The new Bachelor is a doctor, a fact which bore no weight in my decision to watch last night's premiere; I love all the Bachelors. The combination of the ridiculous possibility for romance and the crazy bitches that sign up for the show have made it a favorite for me since the early days of Trista.

Highlights from past seasons include the vegetarian who ate meat for the first time in 12 years because, well, "at least his fingers touched my lips" and of course the alcoholic who responded to the millionaire bachelor's comment of, "I like Italian food" with, "I love the Olive Garden."

But I think the first episode is really when the crazies come out to best effect. Take the lady who peeled open a strawberry at the bachelor and said, "when I met you my heart started to open," and then took a bite out of her metaphorical heart.

And last night brought a crazy Oncologist (!) who declared to the Bachelor in her 5 minutes with him, "I'm ready for my reproductive phase." Someday I'm going to be a single doctor, but please, please, let me never use that as a come-on. Other exciting moments were the return of the 1980s in the neon floorlength gowns these girls chose for themselves.