all hail the new Bachelor

Hip hip hooray. I can hardly wait until the new Bachelorettes meet the latest Bachelor and start cooing about how they've met their own real Prince Charming.

Early seasons of my favorite show teetered between cheesy romance that any lover of the genre could enjoy (see: Meredith and Ian's proposal scene) and ridiculous campy shit (see: a drunken Amber asking Andrew Firestone if he liked Italian food because she loved the Olive Garden, or an unnamed vegetarian brunette on the same season being fed a piece of lamb by the Firestone and claiming that eating meat for the first time in 12 years was worth it because, "at least his fingers touched my lips.").

The Powers that Be at ABC have clearly abandoned the former mode of entertainment by picking a chump that looks cheesy and blow-dried even in the promo picks. If he has a thick italian accent, I'll die twice.

I'm listening to:
Pretty Girls Make Graves- Good Health

asides

Travis the Doctor picked Sarah "Launchpad McQuack" Boringgirl to be his on the Bachelor last night. They should have a wonderful life being boring together; I'm sorry I bothered to watch this season.

Seriously, she really does look like Launchpad McQuack.

****


And now a story about the only Oscar nominated film I've seen this year:

I dreampt last night I was in bed and I received a text message saying "Goodnight" to which I responded with another textmessage (still in my dream but so clear that when I got up this morning I felt around in my sheets for my phone that was in the kitchen) "et bonne chance" which is the end of Goodnight and Good Luck, but, um, in French.

I recommend betting heavily on the film to win a lot of Academy Awards; this dream can only be the cosmos telling me the big winner in advance, and not sheer exhaustion from learning so much in so little time.


I'm listening to:
Super Furry Animals- Radiator

The new Bachelor is a doctor, a fact which bore no weight in my decision to watch last night's premiere; I love all the Bachelors. The combination of the ridiculous possibility for romance and the crazy bitches that sign up for the show have made it a favorite for me since the early days of Trista.

Highlights from past seasons include the vegetarian who ate meat for the first time in 12 years because, well, "at least his fingers touched my lips" and of course the alcoholic who responded to the millionaire bachelor's comment of, "I like Italian food" with, "I love the Olive Garden."

But I think the first episode is really when the crazies come out to best effect. Take the lady who peeled open a strawberry at the bachelor and said, "when I met you my heart started to open," and then took a bite out of her metaphorical heart.

And last night brought a crazy Oncologist (!) who declared to the Bachelor in her 5 minutes with him, "I'm ready for my reproductive phase." Someday I'm going to be a single doctor, but please, please, let me never use that as a come-on. Other exciting moments were the return of the 1980s in the neon floorlength gowns these girls chose for themselves.