Should I ever resort to petty theivery to reimburse any student loans I may have incurred in the process of obtaining this medical degree, I know how I'll do it*:

Most women hang their handbags on the hooks on public bathroom stalls' doors, hooks that are all of four inches off the top of the doors. Then they pull their pants around their ankles and hover over the seat to pee. Eyes are either on the floor or peering back to make sure the stream is going in the right place. All if would take is a pair of anonymous high heels and I could swoop in and steal anyone's purse. Even if a woman noticed, she'd be hard pressed to run out of the bathroom mid-stream and half-naked.

I think the key to this plot is to get a bathroom with only one occupant (rendering the likely screams futile) and no toilet-seat covers (forcing the hover technique unless the woman wants to waste time [and resources- save the planet, bitches] laying down toilet paper.

I'm just saying.


I'm listening to:
Oh, Inverted World- The Shins

*I am wary of posting this information on the internets. I feel like the scientists that published the anthrax genome, torn between my desires to enrich public knowledge and to entertain the world (myself).